guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
