Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
