I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
