i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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