Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she looked like the before picture.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
