I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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