I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
