do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
