Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize