Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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