I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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