he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
