I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
