hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
