What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
