Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
