Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
