I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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