Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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