The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize