So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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