Little spoons don't ask big questions
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
