There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
