Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
