I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
