So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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