i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I need a beard to bite.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
