Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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