Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
