The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
