i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
