Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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