i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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