I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
