if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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