I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
