just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
