youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
