My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
