i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
