if i can run in heels then i can drive
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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