her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
