The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
