He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
