i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
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I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
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i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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