I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
