Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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