You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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