eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
