I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
