I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
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do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
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you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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