the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize