well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
