I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
