he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
