"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
