R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
