Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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