I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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