yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
