did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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